The Arbitrary Movie Awards 2015 Finale

About time

The Jar-Jar Award for Worst Character

The worst character in a movie is the one that makes it seemingly impossible to maintain the suspension of disbelief. This is often accomplished via two methods, first being a sloppy performance by the actor or actress in question, like when Quentin Tarantino appeared in his own film Django Unchained. It can also be accomplished by the unfortunate circumstance of being the character that says some truly awful writing, for example the character that I give this awards namesake too Jar-Jar Binks of Episodes I, II, and III of Star Wars. Their existence in movies in my mind typically lowers the film down a “tier”  good movies become only ok, ok movies become bad and bad movies become near unbearable.

Nominees: War Machine, (Avengers Age of Ultron) Teresa, (Scorch Trials) Admiral Statura (The Force Awakens)

I think most people at this point have asked themselves what people like Black Widow and Hawkeye really do that qualifies them to be on the Avengers. Like Age of Ultron tries to set-up Hawkeye as the sort of glue that holds them together sort of person but that doesn’t really work since it’s incredibly obvious that Captain America and Iron Man are the ones that actually have ideas and lead and that is why they are the two central figures of Civil War and not Hawkeye but at least he can give Family man speeches to get Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver on the team. That is at least something useful, he is a sort of liaison for new people who can say, “yeah it’s really crazy stuff but I’m a normal dude and manage so you can to!” It’s not much but it is something. Black Widow is like the espionage person on the team who is capable of doing any shady behind the scenes stuff in order to get certain things done so she has a purpose as well. War Machine is just a worse version of Iron man, at least in the movies. What does War Machine do? I’ll tell you what take screen time away from the Avengers that are actually cool! It was just frustrating to see him in the movie because I get the feeling he was only really there to remind the audience that he existed so when Civil War comes out we’re not saying, “Who is this guy again?”

Teresa gets a lot of hate from me because she’s at the center of what I found to be the most frustrating scene of The Maze Runner: Scorch Trials. The scene includes her and Thomas having a discussion about whether or not they should have run away from the shadowy organization place. Teresa thinks they should go back and Thomas is stunned by this seemingly ludicrous idea, however there isn’t any real discussion on the matter and the movie just goes on its merry way since it has checked off the box for telling the audience that she will probably betray them at some point. This conversation happens like really early in the movie still too so it makes even less sense that there isn’t even a snide remark by either one of them later on about that conversation and until the actual betrayal occurs the conversation feels entirely pointless, kind of like how the Scorch Trials made is seem like the first Maze Runner movie was entirely pointless too!

In case you didn’t look up character names after seeing the movie this is Admiral Statura

So the winner for this award is a guy who has one line in the entire movie, at least I think it was only one. Admiral Statura is helping plan the attack on Starkiller base and his entire purpose in this movie is to be the guy that points out the weak spot. This guy, like the rest of the resistance is just now hearing about this planet sized super-weapon that obliterated an entire star system and he’s just calm about it saying, “There should be a thermal oscillator, which is just mumbo jumbo for “weak spot.” Gah it’s like I really liked Episode VII but I can’t get over how ridiculous this scene was and I just wanted to vent my frustrations.

Best Movie of the Year

Nominees: Inside Out, Sicario, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens

The movie I think is the overall best. Simple.

Star Wars was probably the most fun I had watching a movie this year, but like Guardians of the Galaxy in twenty-fourteen that doesn’t mean it was the best movie I saw. To give a Smash Bros comparison, it might be hilariously fun to play four player free for all with all the items turned to very high, but that doesn’t make it the best showcase of skill the history of Smash Bros. Get it?

I can’t help but gush to people about how good Sicario is. Great performances, awesome soundtrack and an incredibly compelling story with a jaw dropping ending. It’s pretty much everything I could’ve asked for in a movie, except that it made me feel sad and a little bit afraid at the end.

Inside out on the other hand delivers on all the levels Sicario does, just in different ways. Honestly I would put Inside Out and Sicario as equals in terms quality but since I was happy at the end of Inside Out it gets my award. I’ve been telling you the whole time that this was an arbitrary award so are you really surprised?

I suppose I should gush a little bit about Inside Out, but I think the greatest thing this movie does is tell people that is really is ok to be sad sometimes and that sadness is what makes the good times mean so much more. It’s so important that people understand that in my opinion and this kids movie from Pixar manages to perfectly teach it while also being a very pretty movie with great laughs. What more can you ask from this movie? A sequel I suppose.

Alright we are all done with these until next year I suppose. I hope I didn’t bore you too much with my ramblings and I look forward to talking about something new soon. Peace out!

Author: JonnyTalkz

I pretend like I’ve got things figured out when really I’m making it up as I go. Honest to goodness truth.

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