I need to start this blog post with a disclaimer. The burger place that I ate from for this post was Brigham Young University’s (BYU) own Creamery outlet. I’m not biased towards this establishment because I’m currently enrolled at BYU, rather I’m biased towards it because when I first attended BYU all the way back in Summer/Fall of 2011, I ate there a lot and have quite a few memories attached to the place, and even more memories attached to the burgers I ordered so frequently from there. I would think that aside from my mother’s roasted potatoes (they’re actually the best) and Delissio pizza (Pizza Tuesday for all the OG Magrath folks) the Double Bacon Burger from BYU’s Creamery evokes the most memories and feelings of any food. So at the end of this post when I place this burger on my personal power rankings, maybe just knock it down a spot or two to correct for my even more biased opinion that usual. Let’s get into it.
BYU has four Creamery outlets scattered throughout it’s campus and housing areas. For maximum nostalgia I went to the outlet I used to frequent back in 2011 located right next door to the Cannon Center, the cafeteria essentially. Surrounding the Creamery outlet are the Helamen Halls dormitories which I lived in back when I first left home and ventured out into the world. Stepping through those doors was like revisiting the past. Feelings of exhilaration, stress, fear, joy, and frustration flooded through my brain as I recalled what it was like when I was just nineteen years years old and desperately trying to figure out where I fit in the world of university life and the world at large. (I’m closer now, but still haven’t fully answered these questions.)
Most of it hadn’t changed through the last several years. I still followed the same routine I did back in 2011. I order my burger, take a seat and begin by watching the fry cook lay my patties and bacon on the grill, it’s still really satisfying to this day to watch your burger being cooked right in front of your eyes. Once the cook has made the flip on my patty I allow myself a moment of just being a guy and shamelessly check out the cute girl making milkshakes for someone else. Some things just can’t be helped. To be fair to myself I’m actually somewhat aware of how long I can check her out before it gets weird. (Anything longer than like 2 seconds is weird imo.) Despite that I still have a brief internal debate about whether or not checking her out makes me shallow. I decided that it wasn’t since I don’t believe there is anything wrong with appreciating beautiful things, just so long as you don’t give priority or favors to people just because they’re good looking.
Finally my burger is off the grill and I get to watch as all the condiments are placed on and the final product is wrapped up and placed in a plain brown paper bag and passed to me over the counter. I never eat the burger there, instead I get back in my car and drive home where I can viciously consume my burger without fear of judgement from others. The burger order itself hasn’t changed since 2011. Two patties with two strips of bacon combined with lettuce, tomatoes, ketchup, mustard, bbq sauce, mayo all crammed in a plain white bun to ensure the whole thing is an absolute mess to try and consume.
There were a couple of subtle differences though, instead of using my student I.D. linked to a meal plan my mother payed for I used cash, and as I waited for my burger I listened to Frank Sinatra, an artist I wouldn’t have touched with a twenty-foot pole when I was nineteen and just discovering hip-hop and rap for myself.
Once I’m home it only takes seconds to unwrap and dig in to my burger. That first bite is almost euphoric. I can feel all of my stress and worries dissolve away as the flood of nostalgia pours into my brain. This burger was my primary way of dealing with stress when I first left home and it did a fantastic job at that.
Then the rose-tinted glasses fell off.
Something’s not quite right. Its dry. Like really dry. What’s going on? There are burger juices running down my fingers, there’s sauce for days on this thing, even if the patty was a bit dry I shouldn’t be noticing it this much. I am though. The actual burger is really really dry. Was it always this way and I just didn’t have the palette before to notice this problem? I don’t know, and frankly it doesn’t matter. The burger could’ve been a piece of heaven itself before and it wouldn’t change what it is now. That is a burger that did everything except one thing right, but the part they screwed up has had an effect on the whole thing. This is super disappointing because the everything else in the burger really felt like it was going right, it’s nice and messy, none of the sauces are overpowering the other, the bacon is nice and fatty, they even got it right by only putting one slice of tomato on!
Gah, this sucks. The woefully dry patty is actually dragging the whole burger down to Davy Jones locker with it. I expected to be putting this burger near the top of my list due almost entirely to it’s nostalgic value to me. Instead I’m stretching myself just trying to justify it as a middle of the pack competitor. Regardless, that’s where the Double Bacon Burger from BYU’s Creamery sits. Just below average. Thanks for reading, peace out and make some good choices y’all..
Provo Burger Power Rankings August 9th, 2017 Edition:
- Tommy’s Burgers Double Cheeseburger with Chili.
- Cubby’s Gypsy Burger
- Burger Supreme’s Golden Burger
- Five Guys Double Bacon Burger
- Classic Smash from Smashburger
- McDonald’s Big Mac
- Double-Double from In-N-Out
- Double Bacon Burger from BYU Creamery
- Pastrami Burger from JCW’s
- California Classic from Carl’s Junior
- BBQ Bacon Burger from CHOM