Tinder

Ya, you know exactly where this is going. I got on Tinder last week. I also got off Tinder last week. Ho boy is that not a service for me.

This is going to sound oh so condescending but the main problem about Tinder, for me, is that it’s so outrageously shallow. In my brief time with the app, I developed a rule that helped govern which direction I swiped. If a girl didn’t bother to write anything meaningful in her profile, it didn’t matter how outrageously attractive she was that’s a hard left swipe. I mean come on, I want to know more about you than six of your most polished selfies could ever tell me. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I want to make a real connection, not just some dumb fling.

AHHHH YOU MORONIC TOOL I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU ACTUALLY SAID THAT IT’S TINDER FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THE WHOLE POINT OF THE APP IS TO SET UP FLINGS IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A REAL CONNECTION TRY TALKING TO GIRLS IN REAL LIFE REEEEEEE.

Look I’m not faulting Tinder for my bad experience with it. I didn’t think it would go well but thought, “ya know at worst that’ll make a decent blog post.”

I just want to say one last thing about Tinder. That ish is unhealthy. If you’re looking for a quick fling I that’s your business and I’m not here to condemn you for it, but like good gravy, I could feel my mind switching gears within the first hour of using it. Remember my rule about writing meaningful things in profiles? Within that first hour, I was trying to bend those rules, lowering my standards for what qualified as a meaningful profile just because the picture was of a particularity cute girl. I could feel my animal instincts taking over as I ignored smarter thoughts because “wow her hair looks really good in that one.”

Ya know what the crazy part about it all is? It sounds like I’m bashing Tinder, and I am, but if I said this to someone who worked at Tinder, they’d totally take it as a compliment. “What you’re telling me is that our product is working precisely how we want it too? Great! thanks for letting us know. We’ll just continue to do exactly what we’re doing then and almost certainly printing money. Toodles!” I don’t know, something just feels messed up about a business encouraging us to behave in such a way.

Did I really just type that out, and then leave it in there? Wow, I’m just being top notch pretentious today. Oh well, later.

I pretend like I’ve got things figured out when really I’m making it up as I go. Honest to goodness truth.

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