Charming Girls and Twisting Words

Ok so yesterday I worked through what I thought was some of the most dangerous thinking presented at this dating seminar I went to earlier in the week. Today I want to be less depressing and focus on some of the more silly things said. Let’s have some fun shall we? Also I think I mentioned this yesterday, but I don’t mean to rag on anyone in particular here, any issues I have are more with the general dating culture here than with any partiuclar individual, so relax. 

I’ll start today off with another quote,

“Women want a prince (or a high-quality man) to charm them until they simply can’t resist him any longer”

Yup, you nailed it, buddy. I mean what women doesn’t want someone who relentlessly pursues them until they simply submit themselves and go out with you. Sounds like true love to me. Maybe I’m not being fair to them right now and twisting their words, but come on! You really don’t have twist things very far to get to where I’m at! Like who uses word like “can’t resist” when they’re talking about dating and doesn’t expect people to give them this look.

If you’re dating life has enough opposition that the word “resist” is the first thing popping into your head than chances are your strategy needs a little refinement.

Now I can already hear my father typing up a comment for this, “Your mother ran away from me the first time I talked to her, I would call that resistance and it all worked out didn’t it?” Yeah, dad, it did, and I’m really grateful for that because otherwise I wouldn’t be here to make fun of you, but I think we can both agree that your situation is more of an exception to the rule than an example that proves it. Generally speaking, if a girl physically runs away from you that’s a sign to pack it in and take the L, make sure you hold on tight to it because you need to learn from this particular L. (Hats off to you dad for being oblivious enough to ignore that though so that I could exist! WHOOOO)

By the way I’m totally comfortable telling that story because I’ve heard my dad tell me it I don’t know… 7 billion times and somehow each time he tells it he owns it even harder than the last time. He’s actually totally unashamed about the whole thing. Honestly it’s one of the things I really like about him.

Back to the seminar though…

Let’s move onto specific terminology used. Hey, if I use the term “Social Proof” what springs into your head? Is it like a piece of paper you have that proves you know how to socialize with people in a non-serial killer way? Or maybe like a mathematical proof that demonstrates why nice guys finish last? Or perhaps its a reference to a term used in a sociological study looking into dating practices? Nope all wrong. Social proof is basically when you have cool friends so girls know you’re a cool person. I’m not a woman so I might be wrong about this, but I’m not currently aware of anyone who entered into a relationship with someone because they had cool friends. Sure I know people who set their friends up with people, but they don’t go on that date and have the girl say, “you’re friends with Billy so I know I should be attracted to you.” Like just… yeesh.

“Princes are able to elevate a princess to the station of a queen.”

Another lovely quote ain’t it? I’m sorry if I caught you off guard with the poetic beauty of it. It’s just such a well-crafted sentence it really des… I can’t keep playing this thing straight. Good lord this thing sounds like they took comments from r/niceguys and just plastered them on their PowerPoint (of course there was a PowerPoint! They’re professionals.) Like the sentiment is actually fine, if you’re a good person then you should be able to make your partners life better, but do we have to phrase it like that? Ladies just imagine for a moment a guy that you’ve been on a couple of dates with, they’ve gone ok but you’re not sure how you feel about him yet, then he drops this line, ” You are a princess, but I want to make you a queen.” If you got any sense it’s just like

There’s more to go through here, but I’m lazy and I’m kinda hoping to stretch this thing out until Christmas break so we’ll go over more of it another time. Later!

Pika Pika

Something I’ve come to realize over the past couple of weeks is that not only do I see significantly more movies than the average person, but I also follow movie news much more closely, especially when it comes to trailers. I’ll be totally honest with you, I thought most people watched most trailers that came out for movies. There only a couple minutes long and they’re these little snippets of films to come. I love em! A good trailer can really take a person from somewhat uninterested to genuinely hyped for a film. This is the case for me with Detective Pikachu.

Yeah no, you can still read. There is a Detective Pikachu movie coming out next year. When I first heard about it I immediately thought, “This is going to be amazing with how weird it is or an absolute train wreck right from the get-go.”  Just think about the premise of it.

1. A live-action pokémon movie, already pretty nuts.

2. Pikachu is a detective in it. What?

3. Pikachu is played by Ryan Reynolds. Actually, this one makes a lot of sense.

With all these things considered if really feels like the movie should be just a total mess. Then the trailer for it dropped today. Here it is.

I don’t know about you, but I’m leaning on it’s going to be amazing with how weird it is line of thought. First off, the pokémon largely look really good. There’s a little bit of questionable/uncanny feeling for some of them, but for the most part were in a good spot, especially with Pikachu him… her… do pokémon have genders? I don’t know, but the point is that Pikachu looks friggen adorable. Also, this movie looks genuinely entertaining, and I can say that with some level of authority because for whatever strange reason my parents didn’t let me or my siblings play pokémon growing up so I don’t really have those rose-tinted glasses who just wants to see pokémon in real life. This trailer has actually got me excited to see this movie, although I (and also everyone else) shouldn’t be putting this much stock into a trailer, we’ve all seen great trailers that turned into dumpster fires of movies. I’m looking right at you Suicide Squad, now go back to your dark corner and think about what you did. Later.

Belated Birthdays

It’s been a busy couple of days so I haven’t found the time to get a birthday blog post written out.

Ok, let’s talk about my year. When I turned 25 last year the reality was that I was not in a really good place. Turning 25 was a point where I made a realization that I really wasn’t doing what I wanted to be doing with my life. I felt creatively stunted, burnt out, and easily worst of all totally unmotivated to even bother trying to change things.

Luckily this didn’t persist. I got back into writing with a determined focus to find my voice in words. I still think there’s a lot of room for refinement, but I think this whole informal, conversational tone I’ve been doing lately has been a really good fit for me and it’s shown itself in the outstanding improvements to my writing over this past year.  I’m honest to goodness stunned with how much progress I made as a writer in the past year, and also with how much room I still have to grow. I’m really excited to keep improving this blog and the rest of my writing in general.

Life didn’t change just in terms of writing through this last year either. I’ve made it abundantly clear in my blog that my relationship with religion, for the most part, has been pretty casual, there was a brief moment where I took it real serious and it didn’t pan out well so for a very long time I kept it at arms distance. Maybe enough time had passed and my heart had softened, or maybe living in Utah for two years has just worn me down, but religion has taken a much more prominent role in my life again. I’ll never be one of those Peter Priesthood types that really push religion out of every orifice of my body but it definitely matters to me in a real way again. Weirdly enough it was all the little social things the church does that got me actually taking my religion seriously again. So even though I like to make fun of things like FHE, Ward activities, Break the Fast, etc. (sorry if you’re not up on your Morm… Member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saint’s lingo)  I have to admit that those things played a big role in actually getting me back to church on a regular basis.

Combining with a newfound sense of focus and pride in my writing and a renewed faith, I also found it in me this year to actually try and be a social human being again. I felt like I actually had the confidence to put myself out there, I mean I’m still pretty introverted so it really worked out more like I fell into a social circle but hey, take those W’s where you can find them. I did actually put myself out there in the world of dating and experienced legitimate success. What the F… That still strikes me as utterly and totally bizarre. Maybe I’ll get used to that at some point, but it’s probably more likely that I’ll continue to be in total bewilderment for the time being.

So long as I remember to take deep breaths and not act like a total weirdo I should be fine. Wait I do act like a total weirdo like all the time… oh boy…

Weird rambling about dating that I’m definitely going to get flak for aside, my 26th year on this planet turned out pretty great. I’m pretty happy with how it all turned out. I’m not satisfied though, I need to build on the successes I had last year and continue to refine myself and what I do. That should be a lot of fun. Later!

Formulaic

As an adult, I’ve come to loathe math. Some share this opinion, others don’t. I don’t care for math for a few reasons, mostly revolving around my brain’s inability to comprehend the more advanced aspects of mathematics, and by advanced mathematics, I pretty much mean anything from introductory calculus and on. So like 99% of math really. That’s one reason I don’t like math, another reason is that I tend to not really like the concrete nature of it. Lots of people like that mathematics because it gives them concrete answers that are absolutely correct. I think that ish is just so lame. I like to explore different ways of thinking about subjects and you can really only do that if you are at least willing to consider the other way of thinking was some value. If the math says person x is wrong, then why even examine why person x thought they way they did in the first place? There isn’t any wiggle room. I like to wiggle.

Why am I bringing this up though?, Every once and a while I let up on my distaste for mathematics and I invent mathematical reasons for my own behaviour. Today I’ve got a new formula, one that seeks to understand when one should make their intentions known in the grand game of dating.

BUCKLE UP BOYS AND GIRLS WERE DOING A DATING POST I BAITED YOU WITH THAT MATH CRAP! HAHAHAHAHAHA

(L/D) x P = G

L is a rating between 1 and 10 that describes the level of emotional turmoil caused by existing in a state of Limbo between being friends and being an in a relationship. This is a subjective measurement so just be honest with yourself. Some might also say that the L could stand in for a rating of how “in love” you are with a person, but that word is utterly terrifying so I’m opting to not use it. Gives me the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it.

D is also a rating between one and ten that estimates the difficulty of replacing that friendship should things go way south on you. It is also subjective, even when you use math it’s really hard to nail anything down for certain in dating. Is this also kind of mean to think of friendships as replaceable and assign quantitative values to interpersonal relationships? Yes, but math is unfeeling and unconcerned with your feelings. It’s merely here to determine the rational course of action. Harsh, cruel, but fair is the mistress known as arithmetic.

The P is the probability of a positive outcome. (I started with it as P but shortened to P for simplicity’s sake.) The likelihood that when you turn to that person and say, “I have to tell you something…” and that conversation doesn’t end with “I hope we can still be friends.” This is measured in a percentage and then converted into a decimal number that between 0 and 1 that corresponds. For example, if you think you’ve got like a 64% shot (don’t ask me how you got to this specific percentage it’s just hypothetical) of “that talk” going well for you, you would then put your P as .64. Simple right?

This part of the formula is easily the most difficult to determine as it requires you to have some sense of how the other person feels about you and if you know that then you probably don’t need this formula. There are a few factors that you can know without reading someone’s mind that can help you determine the P though. For instance, if they’re in a relationship already, your P is going to be pretty low unless your the main character in a Rom-com in which case how are you even reading this? This formula also puts the entirety of a person’s emotional insecurity, issues with trust/intimacy/self-confidence, and any other mass of thoughts that get in a person’s way of believing in their own romantic story onto this probability, and we all know how rational we act with regards to these things. So it’s a noted weakness within the formula.

My final component of this formula is the G score, or Go For It. Based on almost 10 whole minutes of thought I’ve determined that if your G score is anywhere above 1.2 then you have no excuse for why you haven’t made your intentions clear. If it’s between 1.2 and 1.0 then you should probably be having “that” conversation but it’s ok if you’re still waiting for that right moment. Below 1.0? Sleep on it bud, don’t make hasty decisions.

Now, this sounds all well and nice (or ludicrous if you didn’t get on board with it)  but I’ve yet to demonstrate if this formula can actually be useful in any context. So examples time it is!

Problem 1) L = 7 (I like really like her dude) D = 2 ( I only met her a couple weeks ago and our only mutual friend is an old mission companion) P = 50% or .5.

(7/2) = 3.5 x .5 = 1.75, ya gotta go for it.

Problem 2) L = 10 ( I don’t think I could live without her!) D = 9 (We’ve been best friends forever) P = 20% or .2 (She may or may not be engaged)

(10/9) = 1.11 x .2 = .22, Dawg you gotta get over yourself and move the fetch on. Tinder maybe?

Problem 3) L = 4 (She’s cool, but like we just started hanging out) D = 1 (We’re both adults who can get over this so there really isn’t a risk of a lost friendship here. Also no history helps) P 50% or .5 (Can’t get a read on her man)

(4/1) = 4 x .5  = 2, Shoot your shot my guy.

Problem 4) L = 8 (Ahh Jeez, I like really care about her don’t I?) D = 5  I don’t think my social life would implode, but it’d be a challenge) P = 65% or .65 (I think she likes me, but I can’t fathom why she does)

(8/5) = 1.6 x .65 = 1.04, Hmmm you should probably be gearing yourself up for this talk, but you alright to wait a bit for either more information or just a night where you’re really feeling yourself.

Life Lessons from WoW: Battle for Attention

It’s been a few weeks since Blizzard released the newest addition to their flagship title and my favourite game of all time; World of Warcraft: Battle for Azeroth. It’s a really good expansion, there are endless tides of content for players to participate in both casual and hardcore, the quest lines are not only fun and interesting but actually expand the story of the Warcraft universe in ways that don’t make you want to slam your head into the table like most Blizzard writing does. Don’t get me wrong, some of it is still really cringy and feels like Blizzard doesn’t quite get their own characters, but overall it’s better than the average Warcraft writing.

It’s just not grabbing me the same way the previous expansion Legion did. I have been playing World of Warcraft on and off since the release of its second expansion The Burning Crusade in 2007 all the way till now. That’s right, I’ve been with this game for over a decade now and through that, I’ve found that the various expansions to WoW have fallen into two general categories for me based on the quality of the expansion and where I’m at in life. The first of these categories is, “This is the best game I’ve ever played, why do I need to talk to other people?” and the second being, “Yeah this is fine, I’ll play whenever they release new dungeons and stuff, but I’ll like also go outside.”

For other WoW players who are probably just a touch curious, the expansions that fit the first category are Burning Crusade, Wrath of the Lich King, and Legion. Cataclysm, Mists of Pandaria, Warlords of Draenor, and now Battle for Azeroth all fall into the second one. Basically half of the time I can’t pull myself away from this game, and the other half… well I can.

I should be enjoying Battle for Azeroth (its too long just using BFA from here on out) more though, it’s putting a significantly larger emphasis on the central conflict between the Alliance led by the Humans and the Horde led by, I guess the undead Forsaken, although the Orcs are clearly still the face of the Horde. Particularity for me as an Alliance player I’ve enjoyed that this expansion has gone out and given me more of my favourite Warcraft character, Jaina Proudmoore, especially since she’s been vindicated for her correctly placed mistrust in the Horde and she’s got a flying ship with magic cannons… hold on my glasses need to be pushed all the way up for this don’t they? The point I was getting at by nerding out was that if my favourite game is taking the time to focus on my favourite character I should like be super for that right? I’m just not though.

I’m not really sure why I’m even writing this out. Who honestly cares if I’m enjoying the new WoW expansion or not?

I guess I just feel like since WoW is my favourite game that I somehow need to justify why I’m not enjoying myself playing it as much anymore. Which is silly, it’s a game, the entire point is to enjoy oneself. Like I was doing my 10000000th run through of Skyrim before BFA launched just to give myself something to do, but I was having sooo much fun doing it, then I just dropped it like a soggy cracker when BFA came out. I think I’m gonna go back and resume my playthrough of Skyrim, and then when I’m done that I’ll play some more single player RPG’s like it. It’s just kinda what I’m in the mood for right now.

What’s that you say? I don’t have time for any games because of school? Nonsense! I’ll just skip sleeping, it’s optional, right?

I think the point I’m really getting at here is just because you’ve done something for a really really long time doesn’t mean that you should necessarily feel obligated to keep doing it, especially when something new has come up and taken its place in your heart. Sure you should carefully consider why you’re not enjoying the old thing as much before up and abandoning it, but there’s something there.

Yeah, Jonny, way to dig a nugget of life wisdom out of you complaining about World of freaking Warcraft. I always knew I would learn something from playing that game other than the essential life lessons of “Don’t stand in the fire idiot”, “Even if you did stand in the fire if you die its the healers fault”, and “How to kill all the time in the world without even trying”. I must be like one of the wisest people alive with all the stuff WoW has taught me. I should write a more these nuggets of wisdom… hmmm

New (School) Year, New Me

It’s a new semester for me so I wanted to take a quick moment to look back on my summer in writing to reflect and then perhaps even look a little bit forward to speculate on what I’m hoping to accomplish over the next few months, does that sound good? Not that it even matters if you agree this is just what’s happening. I’m really trying to be polite though.

Ok so if I’m being honest, I actually liked most of the writing I did over the summer, which is kind of surprising because normally I hate everything I write within 2-3 minutes of putting it up. Something about letting the perfectionist part of my brain takes the wheel or something. This summer though I actually did some stuff that I don’t feel like I’ll regret later for how ridiculous it was.

The biggest standout for me was obviously Fiji to Provo…

Ok before I go on I need to say something about that. I hate that title just so so so so so much. Every time I look at that thing I just wish I had named it Suva to Provo. City to City makes so much more sense, and it rolls off the tongue better. Fiji to Provo will forever remain in my mind as the proof that titling essays, posts, articles, etc. are just the absolute worst.

Got that out of my system. Fiji to Provo (REEEEEEE) was a big piece for me. It was the first time I opened up about my mission experience in a public manner, the first time I talked about being depressed, losing my faith, regaining it, just a whole whack of firsts that had been weighing on my mind for so long and suddenly it was out there and there were so much love and support for it… I can’t express how thankful I am for everyone who showed so much love.

Here’s the thing though, once I got that piece out I suddenly felt like I had no idea what the point of this blog was. I had started it way back when with the intent of it being the place I would write this one piece and after I did it was just like, “Well shoot, what am I supposed to do now? It’s done. Does that mean this blog is done as well?” Obviously, that wasn’t the case because I’ve continued to write just a whole swathe of random junk on there, but as I’m sure you noticed there is no clear direction going forward. What is Jonny Talkz? Is it a movie blog? a place for me to put think pieces down? Comedy blog? A stepping stone to true calling as a SoundCloud rapper? A World of Warcraft fan blog? There really isn’t a clear answer and I don’t exactly have an idea for what’s next…

nah I do have an idea for what to do going forward. I wanna write some wack stuff. Not in a way like everything I post is just way too weird or out there for people to enjoy, but get more back to taking some hot takes on stuff so at least a few people look at every post and think

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Take for example “I love Jonny” that rap parody I did last week. I know 99% of people who saw that thought to themselves, “Jonny’s been listening to just a bit too much Kanye and he actually thinks he can rap now, wack.” You know what though? Making that thing was the most fun I’ve had with a post in a loooooong time. It was just so silly and fun I couldn’t help but just burst out laughing at the whole idea of it over and over again. It still cracks me up, to be honest. So like that’s the kind of stuff I want to do going forward, not just to make rap videos though, but just do stuff that I think is funny and great while also never taking myself too seriously. I particularity want to apply this idea to doing movie reviews, like I want to just absolutely slam movies I don’t like and shower endless praise on movies I love and I want to do it in a way where you know clearly where I stand with the movie and you feel at least somewhat informed about what to expect if you see it, but like I want it to feel silly as well. I have an idea for this and assuming I find any free time this semester I’ll definitely be doing it, but I already know it’s going to be a timesink so it may be awhile. Outside of that I do want to just write some stuff about like Utah, dating, and other stuff and just really see how far out there I can go before I just lose everyone.

Also esports, HOOO baby do I want to write a lot about esports, but I always hesitate on it because not one soul who regularly reads this understands that world in any way, shape, or form and I feel like I’m throwing something written in a different language at people expecting them to just “get it”. That’s never going to happen, but I’m still going to put those out. Maybe I just won’t share those on my Facebook because they’re really just for me anyways. Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll do that.

This piece has pretty much devolved into me thinking in a text file at this point, hasn’t it? Oh well, like I said this is more of the kind of stuff I want to be doing, very informal not academic thinking at all, never appealing to an objective truth, just giving you my take and take some risks. Later

Images sourced from Google

Change My Mind

Folks, I’m not above admitting I’m wrong. Not terribly long ago I wrote a post where I railed against sweatpants. I said they had no place in the public eye and that unless you’re lounging at home with no intent to leave the house you shouldn’t be wearing them.

I was wrong about that. Kind of.

I still loathe those big baggy grey sweats that absolutely no one has ever looked good in. However, I have since written that post purchased a couple of pairs of sleeker athletic sweats for my job and I’ve become a bit of a convert. First off, the all-black colour of these things is leagues better than those sorry grey wastes of cloth. Also making the cut of the pants actually somewhat follow the form of one’s leg improves the look of them substantially, it no longer looks like I could have either two twigs for legs or behemoth legs that scream “NEVER SKIP LEG DAY” in the same pants.  My new sweats are at least somewhat honest about those things I walk around on all day.

Probably most importantly though, is that these things haven’t sacrificed one bit of the comfort of sweats to achieve this “I’m not ashamed to be seen in public wearing these” look that had previously been lacking in my other sweats.

“Wow Jonny, those sweats sure do sound amazing, wherever did you get them?”

Great question nobody, I got my lovely straight black Adidas athletic sweats at Dick’s Sporting Goods. They were on sale so I got them for about 30$ USD, what a steal that was. I would recommend anyone who wears pants take the time to go to their local Dick’s Sporting Goods stores found across the country to purchase a pair today! You’ll never feel ashamed of your outfit in public again!

Shoot wouldn’t I be great at selling out?

Really though that’s like all I got for today. It’s Labour Day weekend and I got 100 million music suggestions from earlier this week to go through so I can make the Great White North playlist. (My first draft had this as the Great White Playlist, but I decided that was a bit questionable so I added the North part in, figured it was for the best.) Take care Y’all, make good choices and I’ll catch ya later.

 

Da King

It’s been a while since I talked about burgers, hasn’t it? Luckily for me, and really unlucky for my body Burger King just came out with a brand new burger. The Sourdough King.

I know that I’m supposed to be eating healthier and honestly, I have been, but the Sourdough Jack from Jack in the Box is one of my all-time favorite burgers so how could I not try Burger King’s version? The answer, of course, is with self-discipline but it’s far too late for that now. I’ll go back to eating salads and vegetables today. Saturday though?It was all about this ridiculous burger.

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Just look at it. How glorious. Of course, that’s not how it actually looked when I ordered it, but that’s the nature of the game.

The Sourdough King contains two 1/4 pound patties, American cheese, about as much bacon as the Baconater, onions (if you’re so inclined, I am not), and Burger King’s signature creamy sauce, which I thought tasted a lot like Big Mac sauce. Oh yeah, and it’s got a sourdough bun instead of the normal one. duh.

Enough about that you want to know if it’s any good. Yeah, it is. I won’t lie this burger is stupid delicious, not like cracking my top 5 favorite burgers but pretty solid stuff from a fast food joint. The sourdough bun it’s named for is also a welcome addition, but in fairness I’m a sucker for sourdough bread so that was going to be a given. My biggest complaint about the Sourdough King is actually that it has too much meat. It’s weird to type things like that out, feels unnatural. It’s 100% true though when I ate this burger the only thing I could really taste was the beef, so BK either needs to dial it back with the patties just a bit or consider more sauce so that I can feel just a little less like a savage as I chow down on this thing.

Actually, hold up I have another complaint. It’s too pricey. 5.99 for a burger from Burger King is like a lot, at least here in Provo it is. I know back in Canada paying 6 bucks for a burger sounds pretty ok, but here I can’t say I’m a fan. For the price of one Sourdough King, I could get 4 value menu cheeseburgers, a small fry, and a drink instead. (Don’t ask me how I know that I’ve put those days behind me.) So while the Sourdough King is a pretty tasty burger I just don’t feel like I’m getting fair value for my dollar on it. A double-double from In-N-Out is just 3.65 and it’s better than this, although there is never the misery of waiting in line for 30 minutes at Burger King so pros and cons ya know?

Anyways that’s what I think about Burger King’s new burger. Later.

 

My Melatonin Story.

I very rarely get sick, maybe once a year tops, but when I do I become completely useless as a human being until I get over it. This really isn’t that bad since it usually never takes more than 24 hours for me to get back to being “healthy.” Healthy is actually a pretty bad word to use there since that word can never really apply to me in a serious sense. Functional works better. So it takes 24 hours for me to return to being functional. Usually.

Why am I telling you about this? Because last week I came down with a fever and it was a very different experience than I’m used to. It became apparent about mid-day last Wednesday, when I was sitting in my American Heritage lecture and I realized that 20 something minutes had passed and I had done nothing more than stare blankly forwards. I couldn’t go home though since I had quizzes in my other classes that I couldn’t just ignore. So I went, took my quizzes and otherwise let the afternoon be a total wash in terms of productivity. Getting home and sleeping whatever this was off was the only thing I thought about on the bus ride home.

So I get home and pretty much crash in my bed instantly. This is like 5pm. At 7pm I am woken up by the blaring of fire alarms. They’re doing a safety test at my apartment building. Fantastic. So after that fiasco I come back to my apartment with a dilemma, I need to keep sleeping to get over this fever, but I struggle immensely to sleep so shortly napping, particularly if I’m awoken by absurdly loud sirens. It’s only 7:30 at this point, but I decide to take a small dosage of melatonin to help me get back to sleep. If you are unfamiliar with melatonin its a hormone your body produces naturally to help sleep that can also be manufactured as a sleep aide. I usually only take it when I can’t sleep at all and feel like a total insomniac, but I determined that it would be fine to use in this instance. Taking melatonin can result in very lucid dreaming, but it’d never happened to me before so whats the worst that could happen?

What happened to me wasn’t the worst thing that could happen, but it sure felt like it at the time. It started at midnight, I’d been asleep for 4 hours or so when I woke up in cold sweat, I couldn’t get the idea that there was this bowl or cup (I couldn’t differentiate at the time between the two.) that absolutely  needed to be sorted this instant. I had absolutely no idea where it was though, so I figured that I would just try to go back to sleep instead, people have weird dreams all the time, no biggie.

I should note that I like to listen to music as I sleep and on this particular day I was listening to movie scores. When I was drifting back to sleep the theme from the netflix original show Narcos was playing ( I haven’t seen the show yet FYI, I’ve heard its good though.)

The next time I wake up I am no longer concerned about the bowl, rather I was convinced that a Colombian cartel was on it’s way to kidnap and then murder me. This is not a fun thought to have, especially at 3am. This was worsened by the fact that my blanket was resting weirdly on my arms and my brain just couldn’t handle those two things at the same time. So I threw my blanket off of me and laid quietly waiting for what I thought was the end of my existence. Not to boast, but I managed to at least keep it together enough to not wake up my roommates with screaming or anything. Eventually I managed to fall back asleep.

The next time I woke up was around 7am, I had an online quiz I had to take before 8 so I set my alarm so I could take it. I was only feeling marginally better than when I was last awake. I didn’t think a cartel was coming for me anymore, but I had this really weird lump in my throat, but I persevered and made it to my computer to take the quiz. (Which went suprisingly well if I do say so! aka I did ok when I thought I would just bomb it completely.) After the quiz was done though my stupid mind decided to do a quick google search for what this lump in my chest might be and how to deal with it. You know what the first result I got was? Heart attack. Fantastic. So now instead of a cartel coming to kill me its just going to be of natural causes. A moment of panic set it, but then I remembered something very important. Melatonin can cause lucid dreaming.

Phew… I wasn’t dying, just having a really bad reaction to the sleeping aide. With a sigh of relief. I climb back into bed just running the thought that, “This is fine, it’ll pass.” over and over. I manage to get a little more sleep, but then I’ve got to get to class and be useless again so I shuffle my way over to campus.

On my walk over to my second class of the day something magical happened though. I hit my 24hr mark and magically a renewed sense of energy flooded my body and I was good to go again. It wasn’t exactly 24hr but pretty close.

So the lesson to learn from this story is that just because you feel sick doesn’t mean you should take medication. Especially don’t take any sleep aides unless you are actually unable to sleep or prepared for the roller-coaster your own mind might take you on. Peace out peeps.