Hot Takes: Esports Edition

It’s april fool’s so nothing I say is going to be taken seriously so why not go over some thoughts I have about various Esports because it’s not like anyone cares especially today.

Cinderhulk Jarvan is actually like the stupidest build in the world. The entire point of picking Jarvan is using his strong early game ganks to create and subsequently snowball a lead into enough map control to capture Baron and push towards a victory. Nothing kills your effort to snowball a game like building 0 damage and trying to smack your wet noodle of a champion around. For the love of all that is good, play into Jarvan’s strengths and build Warrior.

I really liked the GOATS meta of competitive Overwatch. I know some people don’t like seeing the same 6 heroes over and over again, but GOATS required a lot of critical thinking from the people that played it in order to properly manage your ult economy and be aware of exactly what your opponents were capable of. It rewarded the smartest of players rather than those who were just skilled mechanically. As an added plus it curved the excessive use of Mercy in competitive and that’s just lovely.

Sidenote, Mercy’s resurrection mechanic is just bad competitive design. It allows teams to make enormous mistakes and have a hero come by and erase the fact that you screwed everything up. I think it’s not too bad now that it has such a long cooldown and Mercy ult doesn’t give another free rez but I’d still prefer it just gone from any competitive version of the game. Thematically it’s pretty dope though.

On the other hand I’m generally OK with resurrection mechanics in League of Legends, except Zilean. Zilean ult needs like twice the cooldown it has, at least from level 16 onwards.

Hungrybox might just be one of the greatest smash players to ever pick up a controller, but Puff is still the most horrendously boring to watch character in the game. I’d rather watch 100 wobbles than a single puff versus a campy fox match. I respect Hungrybox’s skill a lot, but good lord make it stop.

Fortnite could’ve been the biggest esport ever but Epic squandered it with game changes that knee-capped the competitive players in order to keep very casual players from feeling like they sucked too much.

This isn’t really that much of a hot take at this point, but league of legends champions hit their power spikes way way too early. I remember the good ole days where there were actual late game champions that didn’t become strong until they got 4 items or so and you needed to actually work with your team to enable them. Now everyone is crazy strong after 2 items and some champs just become useless later so no one even bothers to pick them. I get Riot’s desire to keep game times a little shorter, but this desire has made a lot of their champions useless and left to collect dust on a figurative shelf

A North American team will never win the League of Legends world championship. Ever. Also since I’m using Faker in the picture I should have a hot take about him. Faker is the weak link of the current SKT T1 line-up, and while part of that is due to how the team plays he’s still not doing his best and it’s showing.


The Luigi Queen

I’ve got a tradition of writing blog posts for those close to me when they die to get married. They’re usually filled with dumb jokes that one right there that compare marriage to death. It’s a dumb bit to stick to but its kind of my thing so I stick with it. This blog post won’t be different from those that came before it, but it is a little bit different.

You see I’m writing this post to acknowledge the death marriage of my youngest sibling, Erin. She has the honour of being the first of my siblings that gets one of these write-ups, even though she is the third of my siblings to get married. I’m not entirely sure why I didn’t do write-ups for my other sisters when they got married, but I didn’t. Maybe I’ll write one for them retroactively later, but probably more likely is that I’ll forget about that until someone else gets married.

I’m not here to talk about that stuff though, today is about Erin and her unfortunate dea… marriage that requires some celebration of her.

I’ll begin by pointing out to Erin that I’m listening to Mulan’s “Honor To Us All” as I write this. So like make of that what you will.

In a lot of ways, I actually think that Erin is the sibling I’m most like. Again, make of that what you will. She’s definitely the sibling I most enjoy talking to about movies, not because she likes the same movies I do (I would say her taste is the closest to mine amongst my family though) but more because I always get more from our conversations about movies. It’s very rarely just a surface level conversation along the lines of, “did you like it? No? Let me point out why you should’ve.” When I talk to her about movies it is much more like a free exchange of thoughts and ideas. That sounds really pretentious I know, but it’s the truth. So if I ever make some sort of movie podcast kind of thing just know that you’re always welcome to come on. Also, I wanted to bring up the movie thing because Erin’s ability to listen to me about movies actually extends to just about any topic, she’s just a good listener.

I’d regret it if I didn’t bring up Smash. Erin is the one sibling of mine that I really got to believe in Melee. She never really dove into it, but she clearly understood what made Melee special and I think that’s really great. Also now in the future whenever she comes across a normie who wants to play Brawl she knows exactly what to complain about. (It’s tripping. Always tripping.) Also, her Luigi is actually pretty decent. She makes some silly mistakes but there is a solid level of decision making that can’t be ignored.

Then there are the memes. Everyone in the Tollestrup clan is funny and Erin’s specialty is memory. (not sure that is a word but who cares.) That is something I’m really appreciative of. I’m a little worried how out of control her meme game is going to get post-nuptials with her fiance’s intense love of prequel memes but whatever the result of that is, I’m sure it’ll be hilarious.

Right, guess I should do a little more sentimental. I’ve always been impressed by some other things about Erin. She is fiercely intelligent, and that intelligence is combined with an even more impressive work ethic and a willingness to jump right in to solve problems. These three qualities combined make me feel like she’ll end up as like a mayor or something so she can crack down on as many problems as possible. Remind me in 20 years if I’m a genius or just totally insane.

Erin is also impossibly comfortable in her own skin, and while I’ve gotten better at that myself over that past couple of years I’m still pretty envious of people that make it look so effortless. I’m intensely proud of her for it as well though.

That’s pretty much all I got for now. I don’t feel like I hit my quota for marrige=death jokes though.

Hey Erin, congrats on your marriage! Say hi to Hades for me!

Hey Erin, have you ever heard the tragedy of Darth Plagueis the wise? It’s not a tale the Jedi would tell you because not even he could bring you back from this.

Ok, now I’ve nailed it. I do really want to congratulate you on your marriage. Sean’s a cool fellow and I’m sure you’ll have a good ole time being married to him. Later.