Hands

Ok I’m gonna go ahead and be a little lazy today, just going to poke fun at myself quick.

Over the weekend I went up to Temple Square in Salt Lake City to see all the Christmas lights that get put up, I went with a bunch of my friends and my girlfriend. It was a lovely time. If you’re in the area you should really check it out, its a lot of fun. Just be aware that parking sucks this time of year so be patient with all of that stuff.

“Jonny you said you were gonna make fun of yourself.”

I’m getting to it, just chill. Whilst we were up looking at the lights our group came upon a store window with “mistletoe” written on it and after some peer pressure from friends Lindsay and I got a picture of us kissing underneath the writing. Isn’t that sweet? Sure, except for the fact that in the uncropped version of that picture you can see my arm dangling by my side  nice and awkward like, check it out. 

Oh yeah, look at that thing just… what am I doing?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ricky Bobby is now my spirit animal.

Why am I writing this post out, I could simply never post the uncropped version and get away with it couldn’t I? Yes, but my last couple of blogs (and surely some future ones) were poking a lot of fun at other peoples dating beliefs and practices and I wanted to remind folks that I’m not so arrogant to believe I am the one great authority in matters like this. I definitely do stuff that makes no sense when it comes to dating and I do a lot of silly things that deserve to be made fun of. So let’s all remember that when I write about dating stuff in the future that 1. I’m not saying everything coming out of my mouth is gospel and 2. We’re having fun here, not reading a TED talk. Ok? Great, later.

Thanks

Just giving thanks for some of the good stuff in my life right now.

I had initially planned to take the week of thanksgiving totally off and not worry at all about writing blogs and stuff, but apparently I can’t stay away from this blog for that long now. Interesting.

I didn’t put together a proper Thanksgiving post back in October for Canadian thanksgiving, so I figured I’d take the time now to just mention some of the things I’m really grateful in my life. Some of these are going to be really silly, some more serious, and some will be in between. So basically it’ll be an ordinary list.

First and foremost I’m thankful to be alive, being dead sounds boring and as one Tyrion Lannister puts it, “Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities.”

I’m grateful to Wendy’s and their 4 for 4 meals. You’re the best value in fast food and you keep my belly full and happy. Although if you weren’t around it would probably be a lot easier to eat healthy.

I’m also thankful for the gospel in my life. At times it’s tried me harder than I could ever care for, but it also brought such an immense amount of happiness and joy into I don’t know if I could ever truly put it all into words. Rest assured I’ll be trying to do so at some point though.

I’m grateful to all the movies, games, shows, books, songs, whatever media I’ve enjoyed in my life. The stories you held have become a life-long passion for me and you never get old.

I’m grateful to my family. Y’all are an exceptionally weird bunch, but you have shown me so much love and support over the years I just can’t help but be humbled by how much you all care.

I’m especially grateful in this respect to my parents, I’m also grateful to them for being people I can just have a conversation with, I definitely didn’t realize how nice it is to be able to just have a casual talk with your folks is.

I’m grateful to this dope hoody I’m wearing in the featured photo. Supporting content creators I like is real great when they make legitimately good merch for me to buy.

I’m grateful to Lindsay, the most wonderful person I know. You’re the most hilariously awkward person I’ve ever met, but you’re also strong, kind, compassionate, beautiful, fiercely intelligent, understanding, and fun. You’re exceptionally bad at taking compliments (her words not mine) so this is probably bit embarrassing for you, but I would be lying if I didn’t think embarrassing you just a little bit here and there wasn’t kind of fun. 

I’m grateful to Dr. Pepper for being a delicious beverage I can enjoy whenever I want. I guess that also goes along with being grateful to live in the US where Dr. Pepper is available 24/7, though I could without the perpetual chaos that is your politics. (What can you really go through Thanksgiving without some mention of politics?)

I’m grateful to BYU, the most bizarre campus I’ve ever set foot on, but the things that have happened to me whilst attending here have been pretty great and I’d like to at least think you had something to do with that, so kudos to you BYU.

I’m grateful to my roommates, some goofy dudes. Y’all are great to live with and keep things entertaining consistently. I look forward to at least one more great semester with you boys! I should also take the time to be grateful for my other friends. Vine has only been officially dead for a year and a half, but we still quote them every day to the dismay of so many people! Who cares though, they’re just not bougie enough to understand the brilliance of it all.

I’m grateful to be Canadian. I have an undying need to say sorry, an undying love for maple syrup on just about everything, an appreciation for the great games of Hockey and Curling, and a lovely habit of ending sentences with eh. These things and many other good traits wouldn’t be possible without being raised in the great white north. I miss that land. Can’t wait to see it again in about a month!

Ok I think thats enough for this year. This certainly doesn’t encompass everything I’m grateful for, but I can’t literally go through and name everything. Well I could, but I’d be sitting here for weeks trying to do that and that sounds even more boring than death, so hard pass on that. Later!

Hold on… Wait…

I am not a smart man. Well sometimes I am, we all have our moments, right? For me, I find that all too often I find myself in scenarios where I have to realize that I might be one of the stupidest humans to ever walk this planet. We all know those moments where we catch ourselves mid-sentence saying something that makes absolutely no sense what so ever but its too late and we just have to ride it out? Those moments. The ones we think about late at night when we’re trying to sleep and our brain is just like, “Nah, let’s relive the most embarassing moments possible!” Here are a couple of those moments I’ve had recently.

Yesterday I decided to go to Target to go get some things, but I got distracted thinking about another errand I had to go run so I took a wrong turn thinking I was going to do that other errand. 20 seconds later I realize I wanted to be going to Target so I turn around and start heading back in the right direction. Then I think about how I’m hungry and maybe I should get some food while I’m out and I drive right by Target. Realizing my mistake I turn around again. Get distracted by another errand, miss Target, turn around, think about food, miss Target, turn around… You get the picture. I ended up driving past Target 5 or 6 times because of this. I honest to goodness might be top 5 dumbest people alive.

Another time at work I was listening to some music whilst changing some lights, humming along as I normally do when a co-worker of mine asks me, “hey are you listening to Gorillaz?” Like the band Gorillaz. I opted at that moment to reply with a blank stare for a solid minute, then shrugging my shoulders and going back to work.

“Are you listening to Gorillaz?” He asked again more confused.

“I don’t understand the question.” Is how I answered him this time.

“Like your music, is it Gorillaz?”

More silence as my rickety brain finally begins to put things together, “Oh sorry, no.”

At this point my co-worker bursts into laughter. I stood on a ladder with bright red cheeks wondering how on earth I survived this long with this freaking brain.

For the record, it wasn’t Gorillaz I was listening to, not that it makes me look any less idiotic.

I was going to share another profoundly stupid moment of mine to get three which seemed like a nice number for something like this, but at the moment I just can’t think of anything. Maybe I’m getting smarter? Nah probably more likely that my mind is going the way of my father and I’m simply forgetting everything that happens to me. Oh well, later!

 

 

 

The Most Surprising film of 2016

Do you ever have those times when you are just so bored that you are willing to try just about anything in order to get out of the house? Just this past weekend I felt this way when my friend Courtney suggested that a group of us go and see Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Every fiber of my being told me that this movie was going to be truly horrendous and I should just skip out on it for the sake of my sanity, alas I was very very bored and so I went out and saw it.

I couldn’t have been more wrong about this movie. Like don’t get me wrong Pride and Prejudice and Zombies (I’m just going to call it PPZ from here on out.) isn’t going to win awards for… anything anytime soon. It’s utterly ridiculous and outright silly at times, but that is exactly what makes it such an extraordinarily fun movie to watch. I mean there is an actual zombie apocalypse going on around them, but poor Mrs. Bennet is far more concerned with ensuring her daughters marry nice (and rich) young men. This adherence to the original story of Pride and Prejudice (You know, relatively) is what allows it to be so much fun, the contrast between the rather serious affair of marriage in the early 19th century feels so strange and out of place when the living dead are consuming your brains that it’s funny. We, the audience, are being treated to this bizarro world version of Pride and Prejudice that feels like the brainchild of someone who might have taken like twelve hits too many off the bong you know what I mean?

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Just look at this! Is it a classic Jane Austin tale, Action movie, or a comedy? A: Yes

I also have a couple of notes for the acting in this movie. First off Matt Smith slays it as Parson Coopers by being the most awkward and cringe inducing dude ever. I seriously could not stop laughing at this poor soul who didn’t seem to have any real idea what was going on around him. As another friend of mine pointed out (shout outs to Nicole!) It was if Matt Smith was still playing Doctor Who and was just caught up in this strange zombie shenanigans going on around him. Lily James was also fairly impressive as Elizabeth Bennet. Again I don’t think any awards will be coming her way for this role, but it was a massive improvement over what I would call a mindless performance in Cinderella. Amazing what happens when you give an actress a character with actual depth to play eh?

Ultimately it’s a great big ball of fun with just enough backbone in its story to keep it upright when pushed on it. If you are a fan of more absurd things then you will surely enjoy this movie. Maybe after you watch this you could watch some very good, but much more depressing movies like The Big Short or Spotlight. Keep things in balance you know? Anyways, peace out everyone.